To Sail Away
by Vyerna Malice
Summary: A whore from Tortuga... Cooking for the crew on a pirate ship? May or may not be a pairing... Ya'll can vote on it. Savvy? If it is a pairing, it'll be with Jack Sparrow. So, read and tell me what ye think eh?
1. Hip Bloody Hooray

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that isn't in my room. besides the random pieces of crap floating around the house. And the stuff I accidentally leave everywhere. All grammatical and spelling errors in Jack and Sylver's speech are intentional. Anyway, enjoy the nice story and feel free to leave reviews.. (I might review one of your stories if you review mine).  
  
Jack: Ah lass, I'll be makin' a pirate out o' you yet. Bribing people, blackmailing yer mother, stealing from yer family, being all around evil.. Aye, you'll make a nice pirate. Whaddaya say we run away from this here house o' yours? We can steal a ship, be evil. We can even.. *leans forward and whispers something in her ear*  
  
Me: Maybe.. but not now, I got me a chapter to write.  
  
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I've always lived in Tortuga. My mother was a whore, and I was an accident. Well, even though I never liked my mother, I became like her in more ways than one. Yes, I'm a whore too. Hip bloody hooray. Been whoring for five years now, ever since I was fifteen. Yes, I know.  
  
'Get away from her, Elizabeth. You don't want to turn out like her do you? Common street trash.. That's why God gave me these riches, so I could keep you off the street. I don't want you to associate with this.. Sylver anymore Elizabeth. She may carry a disease.' Well excuse me if I just want to keep my little sister innocent and off the streets herself.  
  
I suppose that I'm somewhat pretty, or else I wouldn't be able to make enough money to keep Anamaria off the streets. Well, when she stayed with me anyway. She ran away to become a pirate a year ago. Maybe I should have followed.  
  
**Flashback, one year ago**  
  
"Maria Anne.. Sylver.. Whatever you want to be called.. I'm leaving tomorrow. I can't stay here any longer, living off of you. I need my own life."  
  
"Alright. Just please, promise me that you won't do anything.. stupid." I stressed the word stupid, knowing her to slightly naïve.  
  
"Very well. Goodbye Maria."  
  
"Goodbye.. Anamaria." I gave her a cynical smile and said, "Our mother had some serious naming issues."  
  
"Aye, that she did." She turned and walked away, towards the docks. I didn't see her for another year.  
  
**End Flashback**  
  
Well, I must be off. My darling mother had yet another accident, and now I have a baby brother to take care of. Fortunately, I've saved up a good bit of money, unlike those other whores who spend all their money on dresses and wine and things to make themselves look better.. and younger.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I now know where Anamaria went. She ran off to be a pirate. I suppose you think that she dropped in and told me. No, she wasn't sure that I was still alive. Anyway, here's what happened..  
  
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I was in a bar, sitting down. It was my day- night off. Then I saw Gibbs. No one knows his first name and I refuse to call anyone who sleeps in a pigsty 'Mister.' Well, I was sitting at a table, minding my own business when I heard Gibbs and another man talking about the Black Pearl. Now, I may be a whore, but I'm not stupid. I know that going after the Black Pearl is suicide. Anyway, here's what I heard..  
  
"I'm goin' after the Black Pearl," said the stranger. At this point I lost focus and it was several moments before I could hear them again. "That is the child of Bootstrap Bill Turner. His only child."  
  
"Is he now.." Gibbs said, turning towards a second man who looked like he would much rather be somewhere else. "'Leverage' says you. 'I think I feel a change in the wind' says I." A group of noisy drunks staggered past and I missed the end of their conversation.  
  
That morning, when everyone else in my alley was asleep, I walked towards the docks. I assumed that they were going to be sailing, since Gibbs knew all the good sailors in town. I saw the man Gibbs was having the conversation with walk in front of a lineup of other men. Then, I saw her. She had a large hat over her head and she was dressed in men's clothing but I could recognize my sister anywhere. I took a few steps closer and hid behind a barrel so that I could hear everything that was said and see some of what happened, but no one could see me.  
  
"And what's the benefit for us?" asked my sister. I recognized her voice. So, apparently did the first man. He walked over to her and tried to peer under the hat that covered her face. When that didn't work, he pulled the hat off. Her dark hair cascaded down her back.  
  
"Anamaria." She slapped him.  
  
"You stole my boat," she said forcefully.  
  
"Actually-" She slapped him again. "Borrowed," he said, keeping back so he wouldn't get slapped again. I couldn't help but notice that when he spoke, he gestured extravagantly. I snapped out of my trance just in time to see Anamaria gain a boat. Then I decided that I needed to talk to her.  
  
"Ana!" I called, stepping out from behind the barrel.  
  
"Syl?" she asked incredulously. "Is it really you?"  
  
"Yes, it's me. Where were you all last year?" Then I noticed that everyone on the dock was staring at me. "What? Um.. Ana, what did I do this time?"  
  
"Captain Sparrow, Mister Gibbs, all the rest of you.. this is Maria Anne-" She noticed me glaring at her and hastily corrected herself. "Sylver. This is Sylver Vyxen. She's my sister."  
  
"Sylver Vyxen. Wonderful to make your acquaintance. I'm positively charmed."  
  
"Captain Sparrow, there be no need to charm her," Anamaria said.  
  
"That be right Ana. I prefer to charm people meself," I said. His brow furrowed for a second. Then it cleared.  
  
"Yer a-" I stopped him.  
  
"Yes. But don't say it in front of yer crew. It's me day off tonight. I have no wish to be chased around Tortuga by yer crew. Savvy?" Then it was Anamaria's turn to think hard. I heard her muttering to herself,  
  
"Savvy.. Savvy.. That be the captain's expression. Hmm.. don't do anything stupid.. They both say that. Both expressions, both people." I stepped up to her and asked again,  
  
"Where've ye been all last year?"  
  
"On a boat."  
  
"Could ye be more sp- spe- specific?"  
  
"Still 'ave trouble with that word Syl? I've been a pirate for the last year."  
  
"Yes, I still 'ave trouble with that word. Don't laugh at me. Ye been bein' a pirate eh? Not a bad gig overall. S'it fun?" The man from the tavern.. what was his name.. Jack Sparrow was staring at me. "What can I do for ye," I asked.  
  
"We be needin' a nice girl on the ship to cook fer us. Can ye cook lass?"  
  
"Aye, that I can."  
  
"Well darling, if ye'd like, ye can stay on me ship an' cook us up some grub. Savvy?"  
  
"When do you leave?"  
  
"Tomorrow. We need some supplies an' rum to tide us through. Ye know where we're goin'?"  
  
"No. Where?" I asked, pretending that I didn't know. He saw through my lie.  
  
"How did you find out?" he demanded. His eyes bored into mine.. Dark brown and rimmed with kohl.  
  
"Tavern," I gasped, captivated by his eyes. "The Faithful Bride. You were talking to Gibbs. I overheard you saying that you were goin' after the Pearl. I didn't 'ear anything else."  
  
"Well, since you already seem to know where we're going, and I can't 'ave you telling evrebody where we're off to," he smirked, "I suppose I'll just 'ave to take ye along with us. Welcome to me crew, lass." 


	2. Where's the rum?

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything except me stuff.  
  
A/N: This has a bit of Sylver's diary. Anamaria gave it to her and she picked up writing and reading from a British sailor who went bad and lived in Tortuga for a bit. She can't write or spell that well though. Please excuse all spelling errors. I know Microsoft Word never will.  
  
Jack: See? She'd make a right good pirate lass, eh?  
  
Me: Shut up. I still got me a story to write.  
  
Jack: She'd like to thank all ye reviewers.  
  
Me: The one reviewer?  
  
Jack: Aye, that one too.  
  
Me: You're hopeless.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Votes on Jack/Sylver pairing: One for, Zero against. My vote doesn't count, me being the authoress. Civeta: Your story is great too. Don't worry; even if it doesn't end up being a pairing, I'll put in a bunch of romantic tension, just to keep it interesting. What say you?  
  
Now, to the story.  
  
Me Diari  
  
Som month, som hour, som day, on a ship calld the Intresepter  
  
Ain't it od whut ye pick op in diffrent places? I figered out 'ow te reed from a stedy customr. 'E wus a brit'sh sailer, 'e wus. 'E went a bit bad an' 'e ru- ren? Ran? That's it. Ran. 'E ran away from 'is ship an' endded op in T- T- Tortuuga? Tortuga. That's it. Aniway, 'e livd wit us fer a bit an' sinse 'e knew 'ow te reed an' rite, 'e taght me. Aniway, Anamarya gav me this di- diari fer me te put don me thoghts. I got te go now. But I'll rite mor suun.  
  
"Apples. Sli'ly stale bread. Eggs. Salt. Pepper. Sal' pork. What luxury. Where's the rum?" I had been going through the provisions in the hold, looking for rum. What kind of pirate ship doesn't 'ave rum?  
  
"Well, love, I was just gonna 'ave some of me crew get us enough rum te tide us over fer the trip." I jumped and turned around. "Damn ye to 'ell an' back ye bloody jackass!" He frowned and said,  
  
"That's not very nice. I was just ansrin' yer question."  
  
"Look, Sparrow, I was dragged on 'ere by force. Can't I at leas' speak me mind? And can ye not sneak up on me?"  
  
"That's Captain Jack Sparrow to ye. An' I'll do what I like on this ship. After all, I commandeered 'er, not Will, so ye ken just shut yer bloody mouth." I slapped him. "I didn't deserve that."  
  
"Oh yes ye did, Captain Jackass Sparrow."  
  
"I think I will have to agree with Maria, Jack. You did deserve that. But you didn't deserve the name."  
  
"'Ere now! 'Ow come Will's allowed te call ye by yer name, but I ain't?" He shrugged. Will chuckled and said quietly,  
  
"I think that this will be a very interesting voyage." 


	3. Cooking in the Kitchen

A/N: I'd like to thank my reviewers for the last chapter and I'd also like to say that my offer still stands. You review my story and I'll review yours. And I own nothing. No diary entry for this chapter. They're too hard to think up.  
  
Votes on Jack/Sylver pairing: Two for, Zero against. I'd like to be forgiven for my characters conduct in this chapter. It's still instinct. It's still the first day out and she needs time to adjust to the fact that she doesn't need to take care of her little brother anymore, savvy? Please don't kill me.. She'll change, I promise.  
  
On another damn authors note, I'll be doing one of those neat mailing list thingys. You want to know when it gets updated, you sign up, you give me your email address and I email you whenever I update this little thread I'm spinning. What say you? Aye or Nay? Or you could say 'I' or 'Neigh.' Your choice. Just leave a review.  
  
Cooking in the kitchen  
  
Anamaria and I were standing in the kitchen. I was looking at the kitchen tools and Ana was trying to help me.  
  
"No Ana, that be goin' in the pot. The apples are gonna be cooked. No, not the apples with the middles still in 'em, the apples without the middles still in 'em. DON'T PUT BREAD IN THE POT!! No, the pork is gonna be sep'rate." Alerted to the shouting in the kitchen, who should poke his head in but Captain Jackass Sparrowshit.  
  
"Anamaria. Per'aps ye should go see to the sails, as ye seem to be doing' more 'arm then good."  
  
"I nevr said I was wantin' fer 'elp Captain. I do believe that I want me sister righ' 'ere," I said defiantly.  
  
"An' I believe tha' I want that damn sister o' yers te go an' see te the sails." I glared at him, but he didn't notice. Or maybe he did notice and he was ignoring me. Anyway, he looked at Anamaria and pointed at the door. She left and then I was alone with Jack Sparrow. He looked at me, pulled out them things that gets the middles out of apples and began to get the middles out of 'em.  
  
"I don't think I was wantin' yer 'elp Sparrow," I said, glaring at him.  
  
"I do think that I'm gonna give ye me 'elp whether ye be wantin' it or not. An' it's Captain Sparrow ye know," he replied calmly, again ignoring my glare.  
  
"Can ye cook?" I asked sarcastically.  
  
"O' course I can cook, love. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."  
  
"That don't got nothin' te do with it, Captain Jack Sparrow. Cookin' is a skill, not a righ'."  
  
"There ye 'appen te be wrong, m'dear. Cookin' is an art. An' afore ye throw me out, 'ow bout I tell ye all about a liddle soup that I made all by me onesies."  
  
"I ain't fer carin' bout no 'liddle soup' ye made all by yer onesies. I'm fer carin' bout the grub an' what yer gonna get if ye don't get outta 'ere ye bastard." A sly look came into his eyes at that statement.  
  
"Would I be gettin' some o' this lovely.. Mmm.. Merchandise? " he inquired. His eyes dropped from my face. And he winked suggestively.  
  
"I'm off duty righ' now. Tonigh' I'm on duty. 'Ow much do ye pay?"  
  
"Enough for you. And more. Remember love.. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."  
  
"Alright then. Tonigh', yer cabin."  
  
"Agreed. Off I go then. G'bye love." 


	4. I'm doing what?

A/N: 'allo everyone. 'Ow are ye teday? Good I 'ope. As usual, all spelling mistakes and grammatical errors are intentional. Reviewers are lovely thin- people are they not? Thank you all reviewers. All people reading this are welcome to review. In fact, you are asked to review. It is your job to review. Anyway, 'ere's the next chapter. Sorry about the shortness, but I had a bad day. I got dumped.. Poor me.. Ah well, must not burden down the nice potential reviewers with my personal problems.  
  
Votes on Jack/Sylver pairing: Three for, Zero against.  
  
I'll also be featuring cameo appearances. You want a whole chapter with you in it, you review and tell me what you look like, your age and your personality quirks and I'll put you in. Even if Sylver or Anamaria robs you, at least it'll be a cameo, yea or nay?  
  
The mailing list is still here and taking requests so.. Review, ask, leave email address, I email whenever new chapter is up.  
  
"I'm sleeping where?"  
  
"WHAT?!?" I shrieked, angry with Captain Sparrow once again. "I'm not gonna share a cabin wit' ye fer the whole v- v-"  
  
"Voyage?" I heard his voice suggest calmly.  
  
"Yeah, that too," I said.  
  
"Ye were fine with it yesterday."  
  
"I was workin' then. I ain't workin' evry nigh' on this 'ere ship."  
  
"Ah.. But on this 'ere ship," he said, imitating me, "I 'appen te be the Captain. An' we 'appen te 'ave no space left. Anamaria's got the only single bunk an' it ain't big enough fer both of ye. I 'appen te be the only one on this 'ere ship with space left."  
  
"I 'ate ye, ye damnable cap'n."  
  
"Ah, love, d'ye really mean that?"  
  
"Yes, I do mean that," I snapped, not wanting to play any word games with Sparrow.  
  
"I'm 'urt love," he said, widening his eyes comically. "I thought ye loved me." I glared at him. "Fine, darlin', 'ere's yer money. Two gold pieces since yer the best I've 'ad in a bit. Now, off we go. Te me cabin!" 


	5. Oops?

A/N: I'd like to once again thank all ya'll who reviewed because.. Um.. I like reviews. Yeah, that's it. As always, new reviews are always welcome, mailing list is open, cameo appearances are open. As usual, all grammatical and spelling errors are intentional. Anyway, chapter five for your approval.  
  
Votes on Sylver/Jack: Three for, Zero against. Note on Sylver: She always tries to sound smarter and better educated than she is, so when she says something and she can't seem to say a lot of words that are somewhat larger that simple vocabulary, that's what's happening. And, again, please excuse her. Two gold coins was a lot back then. Note on a bit of Dialogue: 'I could. But would I?' is something my dad always says and I sort of thought that Jack would say it. It seems Jack- esque.  
  
Oops?  
  
"Alri'ht Sparrow, no funny stuff. No touchin', no nothin'. Got it?" He widened his eyes innocently.  
  
"Would I do anythin' like that?" he asked me.  
  
"Yes. Now I'm gonna go te bed," I said, shouldering past him roughly.  
  
"'Ey! That's not very nice."  
  
"I know," I snickered. Unpleasantly, I might add. We walked into his cabin. Or, we both tried to at once. This resulted in a scuffle. "Move, will ye?"  
  
"No. Ye move yerself, will ye?"  
  
"Did someone call me?" asked Will.  
  
"No Will, no one called on ye. Get back te yer cabin," said Jack.  
  
"'Ey, Sparrow, ye might want te int- int-.. Tell me 'oo ye friend is an' tell 'im 'oo I be. Ye be thinkin' that te be a good idea, aye?"  
  
"Women! Nev'r pleased. Alri'ht. Will, this be.. S't Sylver or Maria Anne?" I rolled my eyes and said,  
  
"It's both."  
  
"This 'appens te be Maria Anne, sister of Anamaria. She goes by Sylver. Sylver, this be Will Turner. 'E's the one oo's got us all on this chase." Will smiled and said,  
  
"I'm only doing this for Elizabeth."  
  
"See? 'E's not a eunuch. 'E even found a girl." I was puzzled by that remark.  
  
"'E's not a eunuch an' e' found 'imself a girl?" I asked slowly.  
  
"Righ'. I knew ye was smart," he said triumphantly.  
  
"Please, jest tell me what's goin' on, will ye?" I asked. I was frustrated.  
  
"'Is girl got took by the crew o' the Black Pearl. We're goin' te get 'er."  
  
"Could ye be more sp- spe-"  
  
"Specific?" asked Anamaria, as she came up behind Will, looked at me and then walked away.  
  
"Yeah. That. Could ye?" I asked.  
  
"I could. But would I?" said Sparrow.  
  
"Knowin' ye, no," I said resignedly.  
  
"I migh' tell ye once all this is over. Savvy?"  
  
"Savvy. Move yer ugly ass so I can get some sleep."  
  
"That's not very nice. I'll 'ave ye know that I 'ave a very nice ass." Will slipped away silently. I walked into the cabin without replying.  
  
"Turn around," I commanded. "I'm changin' an' ye ain't watchin' me." He turned around without a fight. I got the feeling that something was wrong but I ignored it and changed into a really big shirt. It fell down to my knees. "Alri'ht Sparrow, ye can turn back around now." I slipped under the blankets and tried to forget about where I was. After all, who would want to share a bed with that annoying person any day, much less for the rest of the voyage?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When I woke I, the first thing I noticed was the fact that I was on my back and there was a dead weight pressing down onto my body. I looked up.  
  
"JACK SPARROW!! IF YE DON'T GET OFF O' ME THIS INSTANT, THERE'S GONNA BE 'ELL TE PAY!!" He woke up with a slight jump. Then, he looked at me, then looked down, looked at me, looked down..  
  
"Oops? Though I can't really say that it's unpleasant." I glared at him.  
  
"I 'ate ye."  
  
"I love ye too, darlin'." I shoved at him. He grinned. "Can't seem te get me off ye, can ye? But, ye know, ye really shouldn't be goin' around with yer shirt down te there-" He poked me.  
  
"Oops." I pulled my shirt up and glared at him. Again.  
  
"Two more gold coins fer one more nigh'," he whispered in my ear.  
  
"Two?" I asked incredulously. He nodded. "Ye got yerself a deal." 


	6. This is not good

A/N: 'allo people. 'Ow are ye? Anyway, mailing list is still open, cameo apperances are still open, I own nothing, spelling and grammar mistakes are intentional. There are two POV switches here. Just warning you. I might do more PO switches so that I can convey properly what everyone is thinking about a certain situation. I hope I haven't confused you.  
  
Votes: Still three to zero.  
  
Reviewers are thanked and more people are encouraged to review.  
  
Oh yes, I'm sorry if this is slightly clichéd, but I need this to bring them closer, as the majority has spoken and this shall be a pairing until further notice.  
  
This is.. Not good.  
  
We sailed on without further event, unless you include the huge storm that..  
  
**Flashback**  
  
I staggered out on deck, wondering what the hell was going on. Ah. A storm was going on. That was why the ship was tossing about like a toy boat. I hurried inside to put out the fire. After that, I came out again to see how I could help.  
  
"Get down below, love. Ye'll fall overboard in this weather," yelled Sparrow. For once, I agreed with him.  
  
"Alri' Sparrow, I'll listen te ye jest this once." I turned around and began heading back to the cabin. Then, it happened. I slipped on a bit of wood, fell against the railing and toppled over. Oops.  
  
'This is.. not good.' I sank into the water. Being in a state of shock then, I didn't realize that the storm was calmer and the surface was farther away. My last bit of air was gone. I was going to die. Inhaling a lungful of water, I swam about two feet upwards before giving up. It was no use. I was going to die. My head started spinning and I saw red on the edges of my vision. Then, I saw a tunnel. There was a light at the end of it. I somehow knew that it wasn't my time to go towards that light yet, but I was pulled towards it. Then, I was jerked away abruptly. I saw two things at once. The tunnel and Jack Sparrow swimming towards the surface with me in his arms. Jack Sparrow, diving into the water in the middle of a storm to rescue me. How.. interesting.  
  
When we reached the surface, I realized that I couldn't breathe. I panicked immediately. Would you not panic if you couldn't breathe?  
  
"Does she wear a corset?" Jack asked Anamaria in a worried tone of voice.  
  
"No, cap'n she don't." I saw Jacks' face hovering above mine. Then, he pressed his lips to mine. He pulled back, pressed his hands on my stomach, and pushed down. Ouch. It did get some water out of my lungs though. He pressed his lips to mine again and let out his breath into my mouth. I gasped, jolted up and immediately began hyperventilating. Great.  
  
"Damn.. it," I managed to gasp before I fell back onto the deck.  
  
"Calm down woman! Bloody 'ell!" shouted Jack. Suddenly, he got a sly look in his eyes. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine gently. Shock immediately stopped me from smacking him for kissing me without paying. No pay, no play. That's how I live basically. Ah well. I managed to wheeze out,  
  
"Th- Thank you.. Jack. I still 'ate you though." Anamaria came over and pulled me to my feet.  
  
"Come on, Maria. We gotta get ye cleaned up an' in dry clothes." As she led me away, I looked back. Jack was standing there, watching me walk away.  
  
**End Flashback** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As it turned out, I had no extra clothes and all Anamaria had was mans' clothes. Since I didn't want to catch anything, I changed into a pair of brown breeches and an off-white shirt. They were very.. formfitting. They were apparently too small for her. And I was smaller than her as well. Since they didn't fit her anymore, and I was considering being a permanent ships' cook, she gave them to me. She said that I would need them if I was planning to work on a ship full time.  
  
**Jacks' POV**  
  
She called me Jack. Not Sparrow, not Jackass, but Jack.  
  
I still don't know why I rescued her. Bloody pain in the ass, she is. Well, she is very good at her.. profession. Still, she charges way too much. Yeah. So, why the hell did I save her? And why the bloody hell did I kiss her? Oh yes, she wasn't breathing. I needed to shock her. I should have made Gibbs kiss her. I shouldn't have dived into the water after her. I shouldn't have-  
  
She called me Jack. She looked back towards me as she was being led away.  
  
**Switch POV to Anamaria**  
  
She called him Jack. I don't know why I care, why I noticed this. But, she's my sister. I should warn her about Jack..  
  
He kissed her. She kissed him back. He dived into the water to save her. I don't know why. She looked back as I helped her to my cabin. Why? Are they falling in love? I know that Jack will have bedded her before this. I saw her looking happy this morning. She showed me two gold coins. Did Jack really pay her two gold coins? All this thinking is giving me a headache.. 


	7. Jaywalking I mean, um stowaways

A/N: 'allo ya'll. 'Ow are ye this fine day? Okay, cameos are still open and mailing list is still open. Votes are still three for pairing, zero against pairing. This is a pairing until further notice. Yay! I just got some new pants at Hot Topic. I'm happy now. Sorry about the wait. I was sick with the flu thingy, and then it was Christmas, so I really couldn't do anything. And then, I was depressed, so... Yes, I know, I suck. Sorry. Anyway....  
  
Civeta: It been three days out and Sylver ^slept^ with Jack twice. She was sleeping in his bed once, but when he woke up on top of her, that was the second day out and she hadn't been paid, so it was an accident. On the first day out, he paid her, so it happened then. Remember, she is a whore. On the second day, he didn't pay her, so he didn't get any. On the third day, he paid her two gold coins, which was a lot back then, for some more. That clear things up? Oh yes.... **cowers** please forgive me.... I needed a stowaway.  
  
Now, everyone, see if you can spot the cameo. If you do, I'll give you a cyber cookie with little cyber gold coins on them. (You gotta review though.)  
  
I just realized something.... I have no idea what to write. Am I allowed to cuss? Yes? All right then.... DAMNIT!!! Thank you for putting up with me. Oh yes, I now accept anonymous reviews. Sorry 'bout that. People are thanked for reviews and encouraged to review more.  
  
Who the hell are you, and why are you on my bloody ship?  
  
I was in the galley, figuring out what to bring up to the kitchen to cook when I spotted something odd.  
  
"JACK SPARROW, YE GET YER PANSY ASS DOWN 'ERE NOW!!" I yelled. See, this person had jumped out from behind a box and was threatening me with a knife. Jack ran down the stairs.  
  
**POV switch to Jack**  
  
I ran down the stairs after hearing that bloody whore shout. I stopped short and asked,  
  
"Who the 'ell are ye, an' why are ye on me bloody ship?" to a short, blonde haired, blue eyed person who was threatening Maria with a knife. Maria had a long cut on her throat and the short person was holding the knife to her throat.  
  
"Me name be Civeta. Me purpose be te get meself out o' Tortuga. 'Ey, whore, are ye on the ship fer a steady income?"  
  
"Well, Civeta, I be on this 'ere ship b'cause I o'er'eard this 'ere Captain talkin' te 'is friend 'bout goin' after the Black Pearl. Apparently, 'e didn't want me talkin' about this all over Tortuga, so 'e took me along with 'im. I'm the cook."  
  
"LAND HO!" came a shout from above  
  
"It's a land ho? I though' they all worked on land," I quipped. Ja- Sparrow looked at me. "Well, mos' of 'em anyways," I added somewhat sheepishly.  
  
"Shut up. Yer goin' after the Black Pearl?" asked the small blonde annoyance.  
  
"Yes, we be goin' after the Black Pearl. Ye got yerself a problem with that? Then again, I'm not s'pposed te talk. Sorry 'bout that."  
  
"You will let me off on the nearest island with enough food and water for a month. Then, on your way back, you will pick me up. That is, if you come back. You will also leave me with a pistol that has ten shots with enough powder for those ten shots. If not, I kill the whore."  
  
"Alrigh' then Jack, get it over with. Kill me. I'm as good as dead righ' now. Just say no. I know ye 'ate me, an' 'onessly, I don't really care righ' now."  
  
"No," he whispered. "Civeta, mate, I'll make 'ee a deal. You let go of me mate Maria, an' I set ye off o' me ship with some food an' a pistol."  
  
"Done. But, I keep yer mate Maria 'til I get the food, an' the pistol with the powder." Sparrow led Civeta on deck and told the midget, whose name I never caught, to get a pistol, powder, food and water. Civeta took them all and didn't notice that there was no shot.  
  
When they let her off, she was smiling. She waved merrily at the ship for about a minute. Then, she looked through the things that the midget got from the hold. Then, she started yelling.  
  
"YOU BASTARDS!! YOU LEFT ME HERE WITH NO SHOT!! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!" Jack looked over at her with a mildly surprised expression on his face. Then, he hollered back,  
  
"You didn't ask for it."  
  
And now, I give you, a humorous mini-story: The Jaywalkings of Captain Sparrow  
  
It was a fine, sunny day and the citizens of Singapore were going about their business as usual, unaware of the horror that they would soon face. Then, among all those respectable citizens dressed in their Sunday finest, there came a horribly disreputable character. Jack Sparrow, walking down the street of a swank neighborhood, looking like he was comfortable there. People stared at him and he grinned. Then, he, Jack Sparrow, preceded to jaywalk. The street was suddenly silent. Gasps began echoing around the silent street. Then came the  
  
"What is he doing?"  
  
"He's really-"  
  
"Horrible!" A woman passed out. Then came a shriek. It reverberated in the near silent air. It was drawn out and earsplitting. It was a hideous sound. Jack Sparrow, serial jaywalker, grinned at everyone, turned and ran down the street. They all stared at him as he fled the scene of his awful crime. The shriek ended and the street was silent. Then, someone had the presence of mind to call in the law enforcement.  
  
A/N: If you want me to continue the little mini-series at the end of chapters, tell me and I'll think up some more funny stuff. Cyber-rum to all reviewers. Automatically, so I don't have to bother typing it out next chapter. 


	8. Crying?

Pirates of the Caribbean isn't mine. This holds for all future chapters. I'm getting bored with typing it out. I'd like to thank my one faithful reviewer. Lets all give it up for... Civeta! Thank you so much. I need at least one person to tell me that my writing doesn't suck.

I'm sorry that it took so long. I am not worthy. Prostates self on ground, beats head on floor Really, really sorry. I lost interest in this story for a month... or many.

Deer Diari,

Lifes god ere on the Black Perl. That's all fur no.

Me

I wasn't cooking at the moment and I had been ordered to make meself useful. So, I was swabbing the deck, only, down in the brig. Ain't it great? Then, a shadow fell across the part that I was scrubbing.

"Whaddaya want?" I snarled, not wanting to mince words.

"A little of what ye've been givin' Jack." An ominous voice whispered.

"No pay, no play." Why was he whispering? Who was he? The extraordinarily ugly one?

"No pay?" He sounded incredulous, as if my rather commonplace statement had taken him by surprise.

"Aye, ye 'eard me righ'. No pay, no play. If ya got nothin' te pay with, ye ain't gonna get anything te play with."

"Well, what if I got nothin' te pay with, but still wanna play?"

"Tough luck then." I stood up just as he made to grab my shirt. I managed to dodge that, but his second advance caught me. My shirt ripped right down the front, exposing my light brown skin. He leered unpleasantly as I attempted to pull the edges of my shirt together. My attempt at modesty was fruitless. I was thrown to the ground forcefully, and he fell down on top of me.

POV Switch to Jack

I was at the helm, steering me ship when Marie emerged from the brig, clutching her shirt together. It had ripped all the way down, forcing her to hold it closed if she wanted to preserve any modesty.

"Marie! What 'appened, luv? Why's yer shirt all ripped?" She jumped slightly, looking around with wide eyes. When she saw that it was only me, she mumbled something about being clumsy and ran into me cabin.

On my ship, we keep no secrets from each other. It helps to promote a sense of camaraderie. That way, no one is tempted to betray us from within. Marie looked like she had a secret, and I was determined to find out. It was for her own good. I yelled for Gibbs. He came up beside me and I told him to take the helm for a bit. I strode over to me cabin and eased the door open quietly.

POV Switch to 3rd Person

The sight that confronted him as he cautiously peered into the room was horrible. It certainly wasn't the worst thing he had seen in his long years of pirating, but he had never seen a woman so bruised and beaten up. He heard her voice and leaned farther in so that he would be able to hear better. When he did hear, he was shocked. She was crying.

A/N: Now I'm depressed. Sorry, but that was part of the plot. And now...

The Jaywalkings of Captain Sparrow, which shall now be known as...

The Numerous, Horrific Crimes of the Thoroughly Disreputable Captain Sparrow, Pirate Extraordinaire

Jack Sparrow, serial jaywalker, was on the run from the law. This was normal. However, in this specific instance, it was completely un-normal. He was usually hunted for crimes such as arson, looting, kidnapping, piracy and other such crimes. This time, wanted for... A Public Display of Affection. Yes, another horrid crime that he could be charged with. Here's how it happened...

Jack Sparrow was sauntering down the streets of Port Royal when he saw a beautiful girl ambling along the sidewalk slowly, window-shopping. He boldly strode straight up to her, looked her in the eyes and kissed her. She, to the horror of the other, upstanding citizens of Port Royal, kissed him back. Never, in all the years that Port Royal had stood, had such a thing occurred. It was shocking. It was alarming. The citizens of Port Royal were frozen in the face of such audacity. Then, Commodore Norrington fainted, his wig falling off. He hit the ground with a thump that ordinarily would never have been heard. Today, however, with the whole street silent, that small sound became deafening. The chaos had begun. Women began screaming and men began shouting for the Navy. Jack Sparrow, his purpose accomplished, broke off the kiss with Anamaria, who promptly spat on the ground.

"No time for that, luv, let's get out o' here before the Navy comes a' callin'." Anamaria, seeing the wisdom in his words, sprinted down the street with Jack on her heels.


End file.
